Monday, December 14, 2009
Non-Compete
I find it half funny/half sad whenever someone puts, say, a three out of four star review on the poster for their movie. Grade scaling notwithstanding, it's like a schoolchild proudly displaying the C+ she got on a test. Yes, very well, you got a passing grade, no one's going to fault you for it, but it falls a bit short of the threshold for public shows of pride.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Cymothoa Exigua
I've been thinking about the structure of videogames. Iriquois Pliskin or someone made a comment that's been smoldering in my mind for a week now: referring to the traditional End Boss as a final exam of sorts. A game will present you with a new mechanic, let you loose to experiment with it, and then, perhaps, give you a boss as pop quiz, separating those in the class who've mastered the material from those who need to stay after class. Then, at the end of the game, the final boss is a recapitulation of all the bosses beforehand, a last test to see if you've truly mastered the concepts that came before.
In school, I liked math. A lot. My memory has a bit of a nostalgia halo, but I derived a pure satisfaction from learning new rules, solving problems, and acing tests. I think that the specific challenges I seek in games are a substitute for that kind of pursuit. That same spot gets scratched when I play Sudoku or do crosswords or what have you, but they lose their flavor after a too long. Sudoku is unsatisfactory to me because it lacks the protean ruleset present in games and algebra. n will always equal n, but in the process of learning new rules are introduced that build on one another. You learn the quadratic equation, and you use it for awhile until you get a new, shinier weapon, but when you're fighting Calculus you find that you need to pull it out again to win.
Braid disappointed me for multiple reasons. Despite all of Jonathan Blow's talk of melding gameplay with story, he chose to segregate the two in a pretty artificial way. There's no sense of progression in the puzzles; what you learn in one world doesn't really apply to the next. But its mortal sin, in my eyes, is not including a final exam. I can understand using anticlimax as a device to shape the experience of a game, but Braid didn't do anything with it. Near the end of each world, there's a very large boss-guy, who is basically Bowser, from Super Mario Brothers 1. It walks around and shoots fireballs in a fixed pattern at every encounter. You must use your time powers, in a fairly rote manner, to drop chandeliers on it. It is to the traditional boss what a sheet of busy-work math problems is to a well thought out test.
Often, games get criticized for being all work and no play. But the play that games offer us is no more than novel work. We want work that will change, or, failing that, work that will challenge us in different ways as we progress. The type of games that earn the most love resemble a waltz, rather than a march: escalation and descent, rather than step by step by step. Even games like Tetris, which only ever presents the player with a single set of problems and a single toolset, adheres to this cycle of tension and catharsis.
When asked what my favorite games are, I run through a mental checklist of my favorite final bosses. The ending is not the point of a game, but it's what I remember best. I'll play horrid games to their completion in hopes they'll pull a Vader and be redeemed by their final act.
I've got no conclusion to this post. The irony is eating me up inside.
In school, I liked math. A lot. My memory has a bit of a nostalgia halo, but I derived a pure satisfaction from learning new rules, solving problems, and acing tests. I think that the specific challenges I seek in games are a substitute for that kind of pursuit. That same spot gets scratched when I play Sudoku or do crosswords or what have you, but they lose their flavor after a too long. Sudoku is unsatisfactory to me because it lacks the protean ruleset present in games and algebra. n will always equal n, but in the process of learning new rules are introduced that build on one another. You learn the quadratic equation, and you use it for awhile until you get a new, shinier weapon, but when you're fighting Calculus you find that you need to pull it out again to win.
Braid disappointed me for multiple reasons. Despite all of Jonathan Blow's talk of melding gameplay with story, he chose to segregate the two in a pretty artificial way. There's no sense of progression in the puzzles; what you learn in one world doesn't really apply to the next. But its mortal sin, in my eyes, is not including a final exam. I can understand using anticlimax as a device to shape the experience of a game, but Braid didn't do anything with it. Near the end of each world, there's a very large boss-guy, who is basically Bowser, from Super Mario Brothers 1. It walks around and shoots fireballs in a fixed pattern at every encounter. You must use your time powers, in a fairly rote manner, to drop chandeliers on it. It is to the traditional boss what a sheet of busy-work math problems is to a well thought out test.
Often, games get criticized for being all work and no play. But the play that games offer us is no more than novel work. We want work that will change, or, failing that, work that will challenge us in different ways as we progress. The type of games that earn the most love resemble a waltz, rather than a march: escalation and descent, rather than step by step by step. Even games like Tetris, which only ever presents the player with a single set of problems and a single toolset, adheres to this cycle of tension and catharsis.
When asked what my favorite games are, I run through a mental checklist of my favorite final bosses. The ending is not the point of a game, but it's what I remember best. I'll play horrid games to their completion in hopes they'll pull a Vader and be redeemed by their final act.
I've got no conclusion to this post. The irony is eating me up inside.
Monday, December 07, 2009
If...
So I've finally figured out why I keep playing games that I hate, long after the point where I know I don't want to play them anymore. I need to understand why I dislike them. If a friend asks me, "Should I play X?" I want to be able to tell them that it's a ten-day open-air crapfest without having to resort to a wishy-washy, "But that's just my opinion." My viewpoint doesn't solidify into law after that magic ten-hour point, but I feel that savaging a product requires a greater burden of proof than deeming it Pretty Good. Dan Hsu's policy at EGM was to play a game until he felt like he could give it a review score in good faith, then keep playing it until he'd doubled that playtime.
But then, this may all just be equivocation. Maybe I enjoy hating games. (Actually, I'm sure I do.) Maybe I play bad games so long so that my dislike can congeal into bleeding odium.
But then, this may all just be equivocation. Maybe I enjoy hating games. (Actually, I'm sure I do.) Maybe I play bad games so long so that my dislike can congeal into bleeding odium.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Bell, Book, and Candle
Today, I had an odd moment of regret. Now that I'm 23, I'm past the age were I can dress like a goth without feeling immature. As a sullen teenager, I was drawn to the complicated, ornamental, fantasy-esque vestments. Not the culture; Clove cigarettes taste like incense, The Cure puts me to sleep, and my disillusionment doesn't dramatize well. But all the black and the layering and the jewelry and the opportunity to wear fingerless arm warmers ... it hits every one of my buttons at once, like a ten year old jerk kid in an elevator. There's something about the ritual, the fetishism of the clothing that appeals to me. I wear a tacky little necklace that I jokingly refer to as my phylactery, but if I went goth I could have an actual phylactery! It's like LARPing every day and getting away with it.
Thing is, when I was an appropriate age to go goth, I was fat. And still, you know, in confused boy mode. Goth is not a look that translates well across the gender divide. You go from looking like this:
For me, a kid with low self-esteem and body issues, sticking with the T-shirt and jeans was an easier choice, though so much less rewarding. If I could go back now ... well, who cares? I don't want to be a teenager again. Steampunk is the socially acceptable goth-analogue for adult nerds, but I don't really dig it. Maybe, if I lose some weight, I'll go gothic lolita. While writing this, I've started browsing Hot Topic's website.
This blog is eight years old. Dear lord!
Thing is, when I was an appropriate age to go goth, I was fat. And still, you know, in confused boy mode. Goth is not a look that translates well across the gender divide. You go from looking like this:
to looking like this:
This blog is eight years old. Dear lord!
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Heaven's My Destination
Dream. Goal. Crystal. Wild rose. Puppet. Persevere. Friends.
After playing Dissidia: Final Fantasy, I never want to hear any of these words again. Story in games is a constant struggle. The quality is pretty consistently bad, even for the action-movie milieu most games judge themselves by. If you were hungry, would you rather have a teaspoon of gruel or a bucketful? A line of misspelled conglaturations or hours of voice actors droning out tech-fantasy Mad Libs? Post-Dissidia, I'm leaning toward the Mad Libs.
Luckily, there's a game underneath all that plot. A 3D fighting game made from disparate ingredients. A bit of Power Stone's chases through large arenas (and mad dashes for super move granting baubles.) A taste of Squaresoft's own Bushido Blade (the same attack can do no damage or be an instant kill, depending on the timing.) Maybe a dash of Smash Brothers (an intramural fight where strikes send foes flying.) I spent most of any given fight in the air, dashing around the arena. It's very Dragon Ball Z. The game's broken up into chapters, any order you want, blah blah blah. Fanservice is the game's chief bullet point, so it's prudent to let the player determine which chapters to skip.
It's all fun enough. But. After I started skipping every cutscene, I realized the game was pretty thin. The fighting isn't complex enough that I'm driven to master it, and I have no one to play with via wi-fi (there is, of course, no online multiplayer.) I ended up deleting the game from my PSP when I was 2/3s of the way through. That's unusual for completionist me, but coming away I feel satisfied.
Whenever I read a game review, the primary question I need answered is: Is it worth my money? Not sure if I have an answer for this one. I think it'll be a good game to pick up every other month, play hard for a few days, and put down. It's a cop-out, but your love of the source material is really going to determine how much slack you give Dissidia. Final Fantasy and I fell out around 1996, but I still enjoyed all the parts where nobody was talking.
My Judgement: Temporarily Smashing
After playing Dissidia: Final Fantasy, I never want to hear any of these words again. Story in games is a constant struggle. The quality is pretty consistently bad, even for the action-movie milieu most games judge themselves by. If you were hungry, would you rather have a teaspoon of gruel or a bucketful? A line of misspelled conglaturations or hours of voice actors droning out tech-fantasy Mad Libs? Post-Dissidia, I'm leaning toward the Mad Libs.
Luckily, there's a game underneath all that plot. A 3D fighting game made from disparate ingredients. A bit of Power Stone's chases through large arenas (and mad dashes for super move granting baubles.) A taste of Squaresoft's own Bushido Blade (the same attack can do no damage or be an instant kill, depending on the timing.) Maybe a dash of Smash Brothers (an intramural fight where strikes send foes flying.) I spent most of any given fight in the air, dashing around the arena. It's very Dragon Ball Z. The game's broken up into chapters, any order you want, blah blah blah. Fanservice is the game's chief bullet point, so it's prudent to let the player determine which chapters to skip.
It's all fun enough. But. After I started skipping every cutscene, I realized the game was pretty thin. The fighting isn't complex enough that I'm driven to master it, and I have no one to play with via wi-fi (there is, of course, no online multiplayer.) I ended up deleting the game from my PSP when I was 2/3s of the way through. That's unusual for completionist me, but coming away I feel satisfied.
Whenever I read a game review, the primary question I need answered is: Is it worth my money? Not sure if I have an answer for this one. I think it'll be a good game to pick up every other month, play hard for a few days, and put down. It's a cop-out, but your love of the source material is really going to determine how much slack you give Dissidia. Final Fantasy and I fell out around 1996, but I still enjoyed all the parts where nobody was talking.
My Judgement: Temporarily Smashing
Thursday, November 05, 2009
An Ape Will Die On Every Page!
I've been playing Torchlight. It's good! But it doesn't really need a review or whatever, because it's Diablo. Really good Diablo. I'm really surprised my computer can run it, actually; the old beast is Frankensteined together from a former techie friend's pile of scraps. Said friend would always give me guff for the flaccidity of my machine, dear Lamiroir, but it suits my needs as someone uninterested in the PC's historic genres. First-persons shooters leave me dry, and real-time strategy games give me a rash. Pre-Torchlight, the last game I played on my PC was Theme Hospital, an apparently forgotten artifact from 1997. That's not a grab for retro-elitist cred - I'm really out of the loop on PC games, so having an old machine reinforces my policy of ignoring most new PC games, and vice-versa.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Perplexing Nightmare of Flesh
A recent Google search just yielded unexpected gold. The string in question: "just because a guy likes to".
"It seems just because a guy likes to listen to songs by Utada Hikaru, Ayumi Hamasaki, and some other songs which are kind of girly SUDDENLY I'm gay? WTF?"
"Remember though just because a guy likes to go south, it doesn't necessarily mean he likes to 'go south'."
"Just because a guy likes to wear kitchen gloves and is obsessed with dolphins doesn't mean he's a friend of Judy, Damon Beres! GOD! Can't we just respect the porpoise's majesty while simultaneously waging war on dishpan hands?"
"Just because a guy likes to collect presidential memorabilia doesn't mean can't appreciate a lap dance"
"Just because some of us enjoy different things does not mean we're less responsible or mature than you."
"Just because a guy likes to wear wife beaters doesn't mean he's a jerk that beats his wife...does it???"
Actually, after looking at that haul, I kind of bummed myself out. Most results were gay jokes ... and I was searching for this specific phrase so I could construct a Twitter post like: "Just because a guy enters a committed, loving romantic relationship with another man doesn't make him a queer."
"It seems just because a guy likes to listen to songs by Utada Hikaru, Ayumi Hamasaki, and some other songs which are kind of girly SUDDENLY I'm gay? WTF?"
"Remember though just because a guy likes to go south, it doesn't necessarily mean he likes to 'go south'."
"Just because a guy likes to wear kitchen gloves and is obsessed with dolphins doesn't mean he's a friend of Judy, Damon Beres! GOD! Can't we just respect the porpoise's majesty while simultaneously waging war on dishpan hands?"
"Just because a guy likes to collect presidential memorabilia doesn't mean can't appreciate a lap dance"
"Just because some of us enjoy different things does not mean we're less responsible or mature than you."
"Just because a guy likes to wear wife beaters doesn't mean he's a jerk that beats his wife...does it???"
Actually, after looking at that haul, I kind of bummed myself out. Most results were gay jokes ... and I was searching for this specific phrase so I could construct a Twitter post like: "Just because a guy enters a committed, loving romantic relationship with another man doesn't make him a queer."
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Rumbling Crescendo
Guh. Winter's here in Chicago. I guess it's technically fall, winter's timid little toady. Whenever the weather gets below fifty degrees my mind goes a little grungy. Perhaps I'm a bit more cold-blooded than I give myself credit for. It gets dark so early. It's hypocritical for me, a night person, to complain about the lack of sunlight, but it gets me rotten. The monotony of twilight and the sterility of cold. They remind me of hours spent waiting for buses or trains, swaddled to near-suffocation and still freezing my ass off.
Sorry, I'll probably be like this for the next four months. Let's bear it together.
Sorry, I'll probably be like this for the next four months. Let's bear it together.
Saturday, September 26, 2009
The Time to Grow and Be It
What the hell. I was just browsing Giant Bomb, and I discovered a listing for Lunar: Harmony of Silver Star for the PSP, another remake of Lunar: The Silver Star.
L:TSS compelled me to buy a Sega CD, idiot child that I was. It had the cheesiest intro song, to which I would sing along:
After that, Game Arts made a Saturn version, which never hit U.S. shores. Which is lucky, because I probably would've bought a Saturn if it had. The next re-release was on the Playstation, and it came to America courtesy of Working Designs. Awesome remake, lots of fun, and it had for-the-time magnificent voice acting. Even though its intro lacked the disco cheesiness of the original, I still downloaded it (in the days of dialup!) and watched it a good fiftysomething times.
Alright, so Lunar got re-remade on the GBA as Lunar Legend. Maybe it was good, maybe bad, but Working Designs was out of the picture, so I didn't play it.
All told, the PSP port of Lunar will be the 4th remake of L:TSS. Enough. Game Arts hasn't produced an original Lunar game since 2005's Lunar: Dragon Song, which by all accounts was slightly horrid. Before that, the freshest Lunar game is 1995's Lunar: Walking School for the Game Gear. Has Game Arts simply conceded that they can't make a Lunar game anymore, and resigned the series to endless remakes devoid of reinvention?
It's pointless to take offense at the actions of corporations who have in no way wronged me. I'm no stockholder. While Lunar isn't the best game I've ever played, it's definitely my favorite. It was my first RPG love, and it feels weird to see it reappear over and over, Dark Force style.
L:TSS compelled me to buy a Sega CD, idiot child that I was. It had the cheesiest intro song, to which I would sing along:
After that, Game Arts made a Saturn version, which never hit U.S. shores. Which is lucky, because I probably would've bought a Saturn if it had. The next re-release was on the Playstation, and it came to America courtesy of Working Designs. Awesome remake, lots of fun, and it had for-the-time magnificent voice acting. Even though its intro lacked the disco cheesiness of the original, I still downloaded it (in the days of dialup!) and watched it a good fiftysomething times.
Alright, so Lunar got re-remade on the GBA as Lunar Legend. Maybe it was good, maybe bad, but Working Designs was out of the picture, so I didn't play it.
All told, the PSP port of Lunar will be the 4th remake of L:TSS. Enough. Game Arts hasn't produced an original Lunar game since 2005's Lunar: Dragon Song, which by all accounts was slightly horrid. Before that, the freshest Lunar game is 1995's Lunar: Walking School for the Game Gear. Has Game Arts simply conceded that they can't make a Lunar game anymore, and resigned the series to endless remakes devoid of reinvention?
It's pointless to take offense at the actions of corporations who have in no way wronged me. I'm no stockholder. While Lunar isn't the best game I've ever played, it's definitely my favorite. It was my first RPG love, and it feels weird to see it reappear over and over, Dark Force style.
Messages From PAX
While in Seattle, I sent a ton of text messages to my friend. These are reproduced here to give a mostly accurate account of my time at PAX. Plus, it's the only really interesting thing I've done recently, so I want to wring as much out of it as possible.
Day Zero:
9/3/09 4:22pm:
I just had the greatest idea for a soft drink: Dr. Ribs! Available in Hickory and Dry Rub.
9/3/09 7:45pm:
I just ate probably the best steak I've ever had, served to me by a woman who looked like an angry Tina Fey.
Day One:
9/4/09 11:19am:
It's like a million bespectacled salmon swimming upstream to breed.
9/4/09 11:32am:
Don't know if that was a Jedi or just a guy in a bathrobe.
9/4/09 11:41am:
Okay, THAT was a Jedi.
9/4/09 12:45pm:
I just got my copy of Sneak King signed by Toastyfrog! I called him Mr. Parish. I feel dirty now.
9/4/09 2:42pm:
There's No More Heroes 2 toilet paper in the bathroom.
9/4/09 4:43pm:
Some guy started walking next to me on the street. Not sure if he was hitting on me or trying to scam me. Either way, KA-REEPY.
9/4/09 5:10pm:
I regret not cosplaying. This seems like the perfect place to dress up as some obscure game character. Like, the shopkeeper from Might and Magic 2 or something.
Day Two: Judgment Day
9/5/09 1:48pm:
I thought I saw a drug deal going down, but they were just exchanging a copy of Odin Sphere.
9/5/09 3:19pm:
Jeez, this place is full of Korean MMOs.
9/5/09 7:37pm:
Just saw a lady dressed as the player character from Persona 4 ... with a golf club. Respect.
9/5/09 9:36pm:
I just got whupped at a Magic tournament, but I enjoyed it heartily. And I was sitting next to a cut-rate Seanbaby.
9/5/09 9:48pm:
I'm about to take a shot of this godawful NOS energy drink. Pray for me.
9/5/09 9:51pm:
Oh god, it's like someone peed in rancid cough syrup.
9/5/09 10:44pm:
Rick Astley singalong!
9/5/09 11:45pm:
OMG FREEZEPOP
9/5/09 11:51pm:
WTF KEYTAR YES
9/6/09 1:16am:
This burrito kinda tastes like soap.
9/6/09 2:05am:
God, why did Freddie Mercury have to die?
Day Three: Rise of the Machines
9/6/09 12:54pm:
I live!
9/6/09 1:53pm:
Jonathan Coulton was kinda meh. He just didn't seem that into it. I liked his opening act, Paul and Storm, better.
9/6/09 3:55pm:
Sitting on a beanbag in the handheld lounge - this is my moment of Zen.
9/6/09 4:24pm:
There are these awesome aprons at the Diner Dash booth... but to get one I'd have to stand in line for ten minutes and play Diner Dash. No deal.
9/6/09 6:38pm:
PAX is a solemn reminder for all nerds: no matter what you walk of life, race, creed, or fandom, we're all the same under our ironic video game t-shirts.
Day Zero:
9/3/09 4:22pm:
I just had the greatest idea for a soft drink: Dr. Ribs! Available in Hickory and Dry Rub.
9/3/09 7:45pm:
I just ate probably the best steak I've ever had, served to me by a woman who looked like an angry Tina Fey.
Day One:
9/4/09 11:19am:
It's like a million bespectacled salmon swimming upstream to breed.
9/4/09 11:32am:
Don't know if that was a Jedi or just a guy in a bathrobe.
9/4/09 11:41am:
Okay, THAT was a Jedi.
9/4/09 12:45pm:
I just got my copy of Sneak King signed by Toastyfrog! I called him Mr. Parish. I feel dirty now.
9/4/09 2:42pm:
There's No More Heroes 2 toilet paper in the bathroom.
9/4/09 4:43pm:
Some guy started walking next to me on the street. Not sure if he was hitting on me or trying to scam me. Either way, KA-REEPY.
9/4/09 5:10pm:
I regret not cosplaying. This seems like the perfect place to dress up as some obscure game character. Like, the shopkeeper from Might and Magic 2 or something.
Day Two: Judgment Day
9/5/09 1:48pm:
I thought I saw a drug deal going down, but they were just exchanging a copy of Odin Sphere.
9/5/09 3:19pm:
Jeez, this place is full of Korean MMOs.
9/5/09 7:37pm:
Just saw a lady dressed as the player character from Persona 4 ... with a golf club. Respect.
9/5/09 9:36pm:
I just got whupped at a Magic tournament, but I enjoyed it heartily. And I was sitting next to a cut-rate Seanbaby.
9/5/09 9:48pm:
I'm about to take a shot of this godawful NOS energy drink. Pray for me.
9/5/09 9:51pm:
Oh god, it's like someone peed in rancid cough syrup.
9/5/09 10:44pm:
Rick Astley singalong!
9/5/09 11:45pm:
OMG FREEZEPOP
9/5/09 11:51pm:
WTF KEYTAR YES
9/6/09 1:16am:
This burrito kinda tastes like soap.
9/6/09 2:05am:
God, why did Freddie Mercury have to die?
Day Three: Rise of the Machines
9/6/09 12:54pm:
I live!
9/6/09 1:53pm:
Jonathan Coulton was kinda meh. He just didn't seem that into it. I liked his opening act, Paul and Storm, better.
9/6/09 3:55pm:
Sitting on a beanbag in the handheld lounge - this is my moment of Zen.
9/6/09 4:24pm:
There are these awesome aprons at the Diner Dash booth... but to get one I'd have to stand in line for ten minutes and play Diner Dash. No deal.
9/6/09 6:38pm:
PAX is a solemn reminder for all nerds: no matter what you walk of life, race, creed, or fandom, we're all the same under our ironic video game t-shirts.
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