Friday, May 23, 2008

I want a drug that supercharges my virtual proprioception so I can go to a national Street Fighter competition and demolish the competition, no skillz necessary. I guess it would be unfair, but I imagine a pluckier me doing this, with some sort of hard-luck story wherein I need the prize money to help my dying sister get her operation. Then, at the end, when I run out of the somatosensory cocktail, I realize the true Zen of all video games, the unified principle of victory, and Dragon Punch my opponent so hard s/he goes blind in one eye.

If a compound so potent in game-enhancing properties existed (setting aside caffeine,) I know I'd become addicted pretty quickly. The power to overwhelm, to trounce effortlessly is so alluring. I wonder when gaming tournaments will start testing for performance-enhancing drugs. My mental image of juiced gamers is disturbingly fascinating: their hair constantly dripping with sweat, eyes attached tightly to some point on the horizon, fingers reflexively fighting imagined hordes when not engaged with a controller, wrists clad in padded braces so they don't snap their bones with the sheer force of their playing.