Neue

I took a trip, and I ended up back here. Wherever here is and whatever it means to me.

I realize now that I've deliberately stunted my growth to avoid certain things. Things which need to be done, which I need to be able to say have been done.

See, I even use intentionally vague language when talking to you. Always in indefinite terms. Hey, diary, shouldn't we be more open with each other? Well, since you can't open up to me, maybe I should open up to you. I need to open up to someone, at least. Sidney Jourard, a psychologist, said that self-disclosure is a basic need for all humans. True, we will not up and die due to lack of frank discourse as we might with lack of oxygen or food. We will wilt. We will become stunted, malnourished.
...eh. I'm not sure if I want to talk about that.

I know now that things can't just be neat and easy, they viscerally require complication. Bah! I say to all needful things. I want to live unemcumbered, spartan. What a dream. Yet . . . I do yearn for something much more than the pleasures of the simplest possible life. To see vistas yet beyond my grasp. I don't know. I just know that I want more, more than1 life has yet offered me, possibly more than I'm willing to let myself have. How do I get there? I'll need a plan. I'll need some time to think. I'll need to be secure with my insecurities. Ah, hell.